Avoiding repetition when there are two unidentified individuals












5
















The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. It wasn't
moving at all. The tall figure moved to the opposite side of the room
and started palpating the wall as if it was looking for something. The
skinny figure then started crawling and palpating the floor as if it
were looking something. The tall figure then started laughing loudly
and clapping his hands as if it were overjoyed. The skinny figure
hearing this started doing the same.




How do I minimize the amount of repetition? Is there a way of doing this without changing drastically the sentences? What would you suggest? As you can see, I used "it" immediately after using the adjective-noun pairs but, when I switch person, I have no choice but to use the appropriate adjective-noun pair.










share|improve this question









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repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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  • Hey repomonster, I'm really glad you liked my answer. I will encourage you though to hold off on choosing a "best answer" for a day or two. This gives other people a chance to answer too, which is of course your goal, to have as many answers as possible. You have enough rep now that you can upvote it, which I hope you will do instead. If you still like my answer best in a couple days, I'd be pleased if you choose it as "best" then. Thanks!

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago











  • I was thinking the same, but I thought you may become impatient and so I decided to just give it to you, but I guess I don't have to worry about it, because even if I don't choose it gets eventually chosen by the people in the community.

    – repomonster
    4 hours ago











  • It's only been an hour. I know that's forever on the internet but :-) Don't worry, it's okay to take your time choosing. But upvotes are always welcome. And you can upvote all the answers you get if you want. Do go ahead and choose a best answer eventually, for those questions you ask that have one you think is worthy. That will pop you up a couple points too.

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago
















5
















The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. It wasn't
moving at all. The tall figure moved to the opposite side of the room
and started palpating the wall as if it was looking for something. The
skinny figure then started crawling and palpating the floor as if it
were looking something. The tall figure then started laughing loudly
and clapping his hands as if it were overjoyed. The skinny figure
hearing this started doing the same.




How do I minimize the amount of repetition? Is there a way of doing this without changing drastically the sentences? What would you suggest? As you can see, I used "it" immediately after using the adjective-noun pairs but, when I switch person, I have no choice but to use the appropriate adjective-noun pair.










share|improve this question









New contributor




repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.





















  • Hey repomonster, I'm really glad you liked my answer. I will encourage you though to hold off on choosing a "best answer" for a day or two. This gives other people a chance to answer too, which is of course your goal, to have as many answers as possible. You have enough rep now that you can upvote it, which I hope you will do instead. If you still like my answer best in a couple days, I'd be pleased if you choose it as "best" then. Thanks!

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago











  • I was thinking the same, but I thought you may become impatient and so I decided to just give it to you, but I guess I don't have to worry about it, because even if I don't choose it gets eventually chosen by the people in the community.

    – repomonster
    4 hours ago











  • It's only been an hour. I know that's forever on the internet but :-) Don't worry, it's okay to take your time choosing. But upvotes are always welcome. And you can upvote all the answers you get if you want. Do go ahead and choose a best answer eventually, for those questions you ask that have one you think is worthy. That will pop you up a couple points too.

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago














5












5








5









The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. It wasn't
moving at all. The tall figure moved to the opposite side of the room
and started palpating the wall as if it was looking for something. The
skinny figure then started crawling and palpating the floor as if it
were looking something. The tall figure then started laughing loudly
and clapping his hands as if it were overjoyed. The skinny figure
hearing this started doing the same.




How do I minimize the amount of repetition? Is there a way of doing this without changing drastically the sentences? What would you suggest? As you can see, I used "it" immediately after using the adjective-noun pairs but, when I switch person, I have no choice but to use the appropriate adjective-noun pair.










share|improve this question









New contributor




repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.













The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. It wasn't
moving at all. The tall figure moved to the opposite side of the room
and started palpating the wall as if it was looking for something. The
skinny figure then started crawling and palpating the floor as if it
were looking something. The tall figure then started laughing loudly
and clapping his hands as if it were overjoyed. The skinny figure
hearing this started doing the same.




How do I minimize the amount of repetition? Is there a way of doing this without changing drastically the sentences? What would you suggest? As you can see, I used "it" immediately after using the adjective-noun pairs but, when I switch person, I have no choice but to use the appropriate adjective-noun pair.







characters description naming






share|improve this question









New contributor




repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











share|improve this question









New contributor




repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









share|improve this question




share|improve this question








edited 6 hours ago









Cyn

6,8971740




6,8971740






New contributor




repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









asked 6 hours ago









repomonsterrepomonster

263




263




New contributor




repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.





New contributor





repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.






repomonster is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.













  • Hey repomonster, I'm really glad you liked my answer. I will encourage you though to hold off on choosing a "best answer" for a day or two. This gives other people a chance to answer too, which is of course your goal, to have as many answers as possible. You have enough rep now that you can upvote it, which I hope you will do instead. If you still like my answer best in a couple days, I'd be pleased if you choose it as "best" then. Thanks!

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago











  • I was thinking the same, but I thought you may become impatient and so I decided to just give it to you, but I guess I don't have to worry about it, because even if I don't choose it gets eventually chosen by the people in the community.

    – repomonster
    4 hours ago











  • It's only been an hour. I know that's forever on the internet but :-) Don't worry, it's okay to take your time choosing. But upvotes are always welcome. And you can upvote all the answers you get if you want. Do go ahead and choose a best answer eventually, for those questions you ask that have one you think is worthy. That will pop you up a couple points too.

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago



















  • Hey repomonster, I'm really glad you liked my answer. I will encourage you though to hold off on choosing a "best answer" for a day or two. This gives other people a chance to answer too, which is of course your goal, to have as many answers as possible. You have enough rep now that you can upvote it, which I hope you will do instead. If you still like my answer best in a couple days, I'd be pleased if you choose it as "best" then. Thanks!

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago











  • I was thinking the same, but I thought you may become impatient and so I decided to just give it to you, but I guess I don't have to worry about it, because even if I don't choose it gets eventually chosen by the people in the community.

    – repomonster
    4 hours ago











  • It's only been an hour. I know that's forever on the internet but :-) Don't worry, it's okay to take your time choosing. But upvotes are always welcome. And you can upvote all the answers you get if you want. Do go ahead and choose a best answer eventually, for those questions you ask that have one you think is worthy. That will pop you up a couple points too.

    – Cyn
    4 hours ago

















Hey repomonster, I'm really glad you liked my answer. I will encourage you though to hold off on choosing a "best answer" for a day or two. This gives other people a chance to answer too, which is of course your goal, to have as many answers as possible. You have enough rep now that you can upvote it, which I hope you will do instead. If you still like my answer best in a couple days, I'd be pleased if you choose it as "best" then. Thanks!

– Cyn
4 hours ago





Hey repomonster, I'm really glad you liked my answer. I will encourage you though to hold off on choosing a "best answer" for a day or two. This gives other people a chance to answer too, which is of course your goal, to have as many answers as possible. You have enough rep now that you can upvote it, which I hope you will do instead. If you still like my answer best in a couple days, I'd be pleased if you choose it as "best" then. Thanks!

– Cyn
4 hours ago













I was thinking the same, but I thought you may become impatient and so I decided to just give it to you, but I guess I don't have to worry about it, because even if I don't choose it gets eventually chosen by the people in the community.

– repomonster
4 hours ago





I was thinking the same, but I thought you may become impatient and so I decided to just give it to you, but I guess I don't have to worry about it, because even if I don't choose it gets eventually chosen by the people in the community.

– repomonster
4 hours ago













It's only been an hour. I know that's forever on the internet but :-) Don't worry, it's okay to take your time choosing. But upvotes are always welcome. And you can upvote all the answers you get if you want. Do go ahead and choose a best answer eventually, for those questions you ask that have one you think is worthy. That will pop you up a couple points too.

– Cyn
4 hours ago





It's only been an hour. I know that's forever on the internet but :-) Don't worry, it's okay to take your time choosing. But upvotes are always welcome. And you can upvote all the answers you get if you want. Do go ahead and choose a best answer eventually, for those questions you ask that have one you think is worthy. That will pop you up a couple points too.

– Cyn
4 hours ago










2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes


















5














You have a few choices here:



1. You can group each person's actions together more (I've also edited a couple errors).




The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
room then moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating
the wall, as if it was looking for something. Then it started
laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were overjoyed.



The skinny figure sat right beside the tall one on a chair. It wasn't
moving at all. It then started crawling and palpating the floor as if
it were looking for something. When the tall figure was laughing and
clapping the skinny figure started doing the same.




2. You can name the characters. If you don't want to use real names, try the characteristics.




Tall was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room.
Skinny right beside it sat on a chair. It wasn't moving at all. Tall
moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating the wall
as if it was looking for something. Skinny then started crawling and
palpating the floor as if it were looking for something. Tall then
started laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were
overjoyed. Skinny hearing this started doing the same.




3. You can make them different genders. Instead of making them both "it" (with some accidental? "he" in there), make one "he" and one "she."




The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. He stood in the corner of the
room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. She wasn't
moving at all. He moved to the opposite side of the room and started
palpating the wall as if he was looking for something. She then
started crawling and palpating the floor as if she were looking for
something. He then started laughing loudly and clapping his hands as
if he were overjoyed. Hearing this, she started doing the same.







share|improve this answer
























  • I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

    – Ed Grimm
    3 hours ago











  • @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

    – Cyn
    3 hours ago











  • I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

    – Ed Grimm
    2 hours ago



















1














You can look for other ways to identify the characters. For example:




The tall figure stood in the corner, towering over the unmoving skinny figure in the chair beside it. It moved away from the seated figure to the opposite side of the room and began palpating the wall as if looking for something. The other figure crawled from the chair and began palpating the floor. (etc)




In this example, "towering over" avoids repeating that the tall figure was very tall, "unmoving" avoids saying that the skinny figure wasn't moving, and once you know the identity of one you can refer to the "other". The riskiest thing in my version, clarity-wise, is who moved away, because the "it" could be ambiguous. That's why I said it moved away from the seated figure; that tells you who's acting by process of elimination.



I've stuck with your sparse description here, but if you had described the figures more, you could make use of that too -- referring to someone's lanky legs, blond locks, frayed cloak, or whatever.



You can identify characters in ways other than the noun phrases you used to introduce them.






share|improve this answer























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    2 Answers
    2






    active

    oldest

    votes








    2 Answers
    2






    active

    oldest

    votes









    active

    oldest

    votes






    active

    oldest

    votes









    5














    You have a few choices here:



    1. You can group each person's actions together more (I've also edited a couple errors).




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
    room then moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating
    the wall, as if it was looking for something. Then it started
    laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were overjoyed.



    The skinny figure sat right beside the tall one on a chair. It wasn't
    moving at all. It then started crawling and palpating the floor as if
    it were looking for something. When the tall figure was laughing and
    clapping the skinny figure started doing the same.




    2. You can name the characters. If you don't want to use real names, try the characteristics.




    Tall was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room.
    Skinny right beside it sat on a chair. It wasn't moving at all. Tall
    moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating the wall
    as if it was looking for something. Skinny then started crawling and
    palpating the floor as if it were looking for something. Tall then
    started laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were
    overjoyed. Skinny hearing this started doing the same.




    3. You can make them different genders. Instead of making them both "it" (with some accidental? "he" in there), make one "he" and one "she."




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. He stood in the corner of the
    room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. She wasn't
    moving at all. He moved to the opposite side of the room and started
    palpating the wall as if he was looking for something. She then
    started crawling and palpating the floor as if she were looking for
    something. He then started laughing loudly and clapping his hands as
    if he were overjoyed. Hearing this, she started doing the same.







    share|improve this answer
























    • I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

      – Ed Grimm
      3 hours ago











    • @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

      – Cyn
      3 hours ago











    • I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

      – Ed Grimm
      2 hours ago
















    5














    You have a few choices here:



    1. You can group each person's actions together more (I've also edited a couple errors).




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
    room then moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating
    the wall, as if it was looking for something. Then it started
    laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were overjoyed.



    The skinny figure sat right beside the tall one on a chair. It wasn't
    moving at all. It then started crawling and palpating the floor as if
    it were looking for something. When the tall figure was laughing and
    clapping the skinny figure started doing the same.




    2. You can name the characters. If you don't want to use real names, try the characteristics.




    Tall was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room.
    Skinny right beside it sat on a chair. It wasn't moving at all. Tall
    moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating the wall
    as if it was looking for something. Skinny then started crawling and
    palpating the floor as if it were looking for something. Tall then
    started laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were
    overjoyed. Skinny hearing this started doing the same.




    3. You can make them different genders. Instead of making them both "it" (with some accidental? "he" in there), make one "he" and one "she."




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. He stood in the corner of the
    room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. She wasn't
    moving at all. He moved to the opposite side of the room and started
    palpating the wall as if he was looking for something. She then
    started crawling and palpating the floor as if she were looking for
    something. He then started laughing loudly and clapping his hands as
    if he were overjoyed. Hearing this, she started doing the same.







    share|improve this answer
























    • I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

      – Ed Grimm
      3 hours ago











    • @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

      – Cyn
      3 hours ago











    • I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

      – Ed Grimm
      2 hours ago














    5












    5








    5







    You have a few choices here:



    1. You can group each person's actions together more (I've also edited a couple errors).




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
    room then moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating
    the wall, as if it was looking for something. Then it started
    laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were overjoyed.



    The skinny figure sat right beside the tall one on a chair. It wasn't
    moving at all. It then started crawling and palpating the floor as if
    it were looking for something. When the tall figure was laughing and
    clapping the skinny figure started doing the same.




    2. You can name the characters. If you don't want to use real names, try the characteristics.




    Tall was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room.
    Skinny right beside it sat on a chair. It wasn't moving at all. Tall
    moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating the wall
    as if it was looking for something. Skinny then started crawling and
    palpating the floor as if it were looking for something. Tall then
    started laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were
    overjoyed. Skinny hearing this started doing the same.




    3. You can make them different genders. Instead of making them both "it" (with some accidental? "he" in there), make one "he" and one "she."




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. He stood in the corner of the
    room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. She wasn't
    moving at all. He moved to the opposite side of the room and started
    palpating the wall as if he was looking for something. She then
    started crawling and palpating the floor as if she were looking for
    something. He then started laughing loudly and clapping his hands as
    if he were overjoyed. Hearing this, she started doing the same.







    share|improve this answer













    You have a few choices here:



    1. You can group each person's actions together more (I've also edited a couple errors).




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the
    room then moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating
    the wall, as if it was looking for something. Then it started
    laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were overjoyed.



    The skinny figure sat right beside the tall one on a chair. It wasn't
    moving at all. It then started crawling and palpating the floor as if
    it were looking for something. When the tall figure was laughing and
    clapping the skinny figure started doing the same.




    2. You can name the characters. If you don't want to use real names, try the characteristics.




    Tall was overwhelmingly tall. It stood in the corner of the room.
    Skinny right beside it sat on a chair. It wasn't moving at all. Tall
    moved to the opposite side of the room and started palpating the wall
    as if it was looking for something. Skinny then started crawling and
    palpating the floor as if it were looking for something. Tall then
    started laughing loudly and clapping its hands as if it were
    overjoyed. Skinny hearing this started doing the same.




    3. You can make them different genders. Instead of making them both "it" (with some accidental? "he" in there), make one "he" and one "she."




    The tall figure was overwhelmingly tall. He stood in the corner of the
    room. The skinny figure right beside him sat on a chair. She wasn't
    moving at all. He moved to the opposite side of the room and started
    palpating the wall as if he was looking for something. She then
    started crawling and palpating the floor as if she were looking for
    something. He then started laughing loudly and clapping his hands as
    if he were overjoyed. Hearing this, she started doing the same.








    share|improve this answer












    share|improve this answer



    share|improve this answer










    answered 5 hours ago









    CynCyn

    6,8971740




    6,8971740













    • I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

      – Ed Grimm
      3 hours ago











    • @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

      – Cyn
      3 hours ago











    • I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

      – Ed Grimm
      2 hours ago



















    • I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

      – Ed Grimm
      3 hours ago











    • @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

      – Cyn
      3 hours ago











    • I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

      – Ed Grimm
      2 hours ago

















    I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

    – Ed Grimm
    3 hours ago





    I've used all of these techniques, and they feel like good techniques, so I've voted for this answer. But I'd still like more options to handle this situation if feasible. Sigh.

    – Ed Grimm
    3 hours ago













    @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

    – Cyn
    3 hours ago





    @EdGrimm I'm not sure I have any. I have a scene in my novel where my main group of characters meets the other group and I use descriptions ("the woman with the blue headscarf") before anyone knows their names. It's a little awkward but the important thing is to be brief. The other alternative is not to care who does which action, just to leave it open.

    – Cyn
    3 hours ago













    I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

    – Ed Grimm
    2 hours ago





    I agree on the being brief bit - the pressure caused by this issue is almost always the strongest driver to having the characters introduce themselves. However, it makes introductory fight scenes really awkward, because I don't typically like chit chat during a fight and I also dislike resorting to describing characters by their class. I mean, I accept others doing these things as I understand the pressures that prompt them, but I hold myself to a harder standard.

    – Ed Grimm
    2 hours ago











    1














    You can look for other ways to identify the characters. For example:




    The tall figure stood in the corner, towering over the unmoving skinny figure in the chair beside it. It moved away from the seated figure to the opposite side of the room and began palpating the wall as if looking for something. The other figure crawled from the chair and began palpating the floor. (etc)




    In this example, "towering over" avoids repeating that the tall figure was very tall, "unmoving" avoids saying that the skinny figure wasn't moving, and once you know the identity of one you can refer to the "other". The riskiest thing in my version, clarity-wise, is who moved away, because the "it" could be ambiguous. That's why I said it moved away from the seated figure; that tells you who's acting by process of elimination.



    I've stuck with your sparse description here, but if you had described the figures more, you could make use of that too -- referring to someone's lanky legs, blond locks, frayed cloak, or whatever.



    You can identify characters in ways other than the noun phrases you used to introduce them.






    share|improve this answer




























      1














      You can look for other ways to identify the characters. For example:




      The tall figure stood in the corner, towering over the unmoving skinny figure in the chair beside it. It moved away from the seated figure to the opposite side of the room and began palpating the wall as if looking for something. The other figure crawled from the chair and began palpating the floor. (etc)




      In this example, "towering over" avoids repeating that the tall figure was very tall, "unmoving" avoids saying that the skinny figure wasn't moving, and once you know the identity of one you can refer to the "other". The riskiest thing in my version, clarity-wise, is who moved away, because the "it" could be ambiguous. That's why I said it moved away from the seated figure; that tells you who's acting by process of elimination.



      I've stuck with your sparse description here, but if you had described the figures more, you could make use of that too -- referring to someone's lanky legs, blond locks, frayed cloak, or whatever.



      You can identify characters in ways other than the noun phrases you used to introduce them.






      share|improve this answer


























        1












        1








        1







        You can look for other ways to identify the characters. For example:




        The tall figure stood in the corner, towering over the unmoving skinny figure in the chair beside it. It moved away from the seated figure to the opposite side of the room and began palpating the wall as if looking for something. The other figure crawled from the chair and began palpating the floor. (etc)




        In this example, "towering over" avoids repeating that the tall figure was very tall, "unmoving" avoids saying that the skinny figure wasn't moving, and once you know the identity of one you can refer to the "other". The riskiest thing in my version, clarity-wise, is who moved away, because the "it" could be ambiguous. That's why I said it moved away from the seated figure; that tells you who's acting by process of elimination.



        I've stuck with your sparse description here, but if you had described the figures more, you could make use of that too -- referring to someone's lanky legs, blond locks, frayed cloak, or whatever.



        You can identify characters in ways other than the noun phrases you used to introduce them.






        share|improve this answer













        You can look for other ways to identify the characters. For example:




        The tall figure stood in the corner, towering over the unmoving skinny figure in the chair beside it. It moved away from the seated figure to the opposite side of the room and began palpating the wall as if looking for something. The other figure crawled from the chair and began palpating the floor. (etc)




        In this example, "towering over" avoids repeating that the tall figure was very tall, "unmoving" avoids saying that the skinny figure wasn't moving, and once you know the identity of one you can refer to the "other". The riskiest thing in my version, clarity-wise, is who moved away, because the "it" could be ambiguous. That's why I said it moved away from the seated figure; that tells you who's acting by process of elimination.



        I've stuck with your sparse description here, but if you had described the figures more, you could make use of that too -- referring to someone's lanky legs, blond locks, frayed cloak, or whatever.



        You can identify characters in ways other than the noun phrases you used to introduce them.







        share|improve this answer












        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer










        answered 2 hours ago









        Monica CellioMonica Cellio

        14k22976




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