Ytdyklly

I'm one of those people

I believe you are reading too much into this!

Don't start with team-building exercises, surveys, etc. Leave it be.

If you are getting the results you need from these sessions, that's what matters.

Some people just naturally don't like eye contact in one-on-one conversations. Me included! That that includes me being in positions of power or otherwise.

Look wherever you want, the important thing is you listen and respond.

Go take a walk around the block while you two talk. That's what we do here and it works pretty well.

I've been in similar situations where people were unable to look me in the eye whilst in a 1-1 meeting. It was pretty clear that they weren't feeling inferior but rather socially awkward/anxious and slightly introvert.

I tried different things and what seemed to work well was sitting next to the person instead of across from them during 1-1s and use a laptop or notes between us to focus on. Most of the time I was focused on the screen while talking and that gave the opportunity to the other person to talk while looking at the screen or notes.

If you're happy with the meetings' outcome and you're able to communicate fine with your subordinates, then I'd simply try to find a layout for these meetings that makes them more comfortable.

Something that hasn't been mentioned is that they may be thinking.

When you ask me a technical question, I mentally fire up the equipment and software I'd use to work on the problem for real and then run through possible solutions or approaches.

I'm mentally looking at things that are somewhere else. My eyes just rove and have very little to do with what I'm looking at.

I might "park" my peepers staring at blank section of wall or out a window. If I'm really far away, they just stop wherever they were pointed - which may be at you or someone else, causing creepy feelings of "why's he staring at me?"

So, if you are having a one on one discussion and your coworker is staring off into space, he may be really busy trying to find a solution. Anything you do to prevent them from "spacing out" might cause you to lose out on a better solution to your problems.

I myself find that I can listen better if I'm not making an effort to maintain eye contact. After all, you listen with your ears, not your eyes. Because of this, my own eyes tend to wander during conversation, whether I'm any kind of nervous or not.

It may be the same for these individuals. You don't know, so don't make assumptions. If they are performing well and can remember what was discussed, it doesn't really matter that they don't maintain eye contact with you, and no additional action is needed.

Others have contributed some good thoughts. Some personal perspective:

1. What sort of training has your employer provided for those new to management? Do they provide skill building materials?


2. Social skills are a bit less relevant if the job isn't customer facing.


3. Try not to judge employee on looking in eye, but more on whatever their positive qualities are, and your assessment of their contributions.


4. Do not make assumptions on character, rush to judgement, or over-simplify based on a few observations.


5. Don't discuss with other managers at your level. Not necessarily their business...


6. You do have a mentor responsibility, so think about what that entails and whether social skills are relevant.
   6.a. I've done customer facing work, and not always handled it the best. In that case I was fortunate to have a manager that could skillfully address it, and identify areas to improve, and highlight good parts (so I'm not demoralized). Keep in mind I was hired partially due to better social skills.
   6.b. The other side, purely internally focused work. Just keep in mind everyone is not created equal and some people will not be able to "improve" their social skills. That's OK. Then focus more on whether tasks are getting done, quality of work, etc.

If you have been working with them for a long time and have now become their "superior" this is common to happen. They may have the problem of trying to separate the relationship they used to have with the one they have now.

There are a few things you can try.

1- Just give them the room they need, if their performance is not lacking and motivation seems to be the same, leave it as it is. Continue looking at them while they speak and remain professional.

2 - If you have worked with them for that long and feel the relationship exists there, ask them. While you are on the 1-2-1 tell them you have noticed that they don't seem to be fully comfortable and ask them if they prefer a different approach to the 1-2-1.

3 - Use an anonymous survey to the entire team regarding current processes, including 1-2-1, PDP and PDR.

As you said, they are not going to be customer facing, but it is also good to give them the opportunity to develop their interpersonal skills.

Most likely they are nervous. Many employees will feel nervous talking to their manager 1 on 1. Add the fact that you are their new manager, talking about their tasks and performance and this nervous factor can increase. Add the fact that they are engineers, who in many cases are introverts, and you can understand how elevated their nerves must be.

There isn't anything to change on your part as far as smiling and looking at them. What you can do, before the meeting, is try to calm them down and make it clear that the meeting isn't an official review or that they aren't being punished for anything.

In America, it's common for companies to do "team-building" exercises. They usually consist of the team going to lunch, or having a gathering off site with families, even. It's to allow people get to know each other in casual situations, and this can help with a person viewing their boss/manager as a person, not just an authority to be scared of.

Perhaps this isn't an option, but for whatever reason they seem to fear you. Might just be a cultural thing...but you need to try to find a way to break through that.

Although there are some good examples of things you can do to get around this uncomfortable feeling mentioned by others.

The main thing here should be to build your coworkers confidence (restless eyes are caused by nerves and lack of confidence) rather than find more ways they can avoid eye contact. Eye contact is a very important skill and should not be overlooked as it's the main way to connect during conversation. It's not something that should be avoided no matter who you are.

That being said

(all great, no hard conversations)

They might not be uncomfortable but just nervous during these 121's. You get what you need and conversation is still flowing. If colleagues were uncomfortable there would likely be rushed speech or stutters along with lack of eye contact